Mike asked if his old roommates could come over (good friends of ours) to celebrate New Years with us. At first I really didn't wanna be around people just my family but then I said ya why not....try and make it a new beginning in 2011 knowing of the struggles I have ahead of me. The evening went really well, my mind barely wandered, no tears...all 3 kids made it to midnight (well AJ fell asleep at 1130 but for some reason the flash of a camera at 11:58 seemed to wake him up! hahaha). And Barenaked Ladies sang me into the New Year. I kissed my kids, my husband and was smiling! For those few seconds...I was happy again. Cory and Candida left and I instantly fell asleep in the chair with my baby boy laying on my chest. Mike wanted to move him but I didn't want him moved. I wanted to cherish that feeling forever. I never wanted him to leave and I was at peace with him there. Mike finally put AJ to sleep and told me to follow..but I just fell back asleep in the recliner. I got up at 430 and Mike had stayed up to make sure I made it to bed and then just cuddled me. That is the best place - in his arms. I fell back to sleep but woke up to terrible pains in my stomach and went to the bathroom to pissing blood again and bits of something. I heard a pop...wondering if it hasn't come back already. Looks like I may have an ER visit today...what a great way to start the New Year. I am back at the bottom again! ;(
Bella leaves for G'ma Annas today for the week...I don't know if that is a great idea...I need the distractions...but I also need to rest and gain strength for this battle. One day at a time....my battle starts now.
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