Well I woke up today and sat at my computer and the tears came uncontrollably. It has hit me...hit me hard. It is hard to breathe and my heart is aching so bad. Bella wanted to cuddle and listen to I'm a Bee on youtube. She sat on my lap and gave me a hug and I started to bawl incontrollably. She was so hurt and scared asking me not to cry as her eyes filled with tears as well. Then she looks at me and says "I love you Mommy - I don't like when you cry. Please don't cry Mommy." All I could do is hold her tighter. I love my little girl so much. After I controlled my emotions I picked up AJ and danced and he just smiled and smiled. I began to cry again wondering how many of these moments I will have with him. He is so small. I want him to know me..know how much I love him...know that he is my hero because if it wasn't for him we would have never found this horrible tumour known as Wally. Wally has left behind a world of destruction....but he will not win...I plan on stomping on any reminance of him. I HATE WALLY SO MUCH. YOU WILL NOT RUIN MY LIFE! I WILL NOT LET YOU.
A lot of family and friends have been doing research for me. There are survivors out there....I just need to figure out a system to compile everything so when I talk to the doctor next week I have a page of questions, options and action plans. I will be my own advocate..the doctors will not dictate a no treatment plan. there are options out there...I will find someone to help me. I must...I am only 35.
Annalee, you are a strong woman and have a LOT to fight for, I believe you will kick the remainder of Wally's ass to hell. BTW: you still have me crying, and are definitely in a LOT of people's prayers. Just remember you definitely are not alone in all of this.
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